I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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