i barfeds in our rink
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
