That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize