Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
