I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
