There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
