I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He has the fingertips of a God
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
