You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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