He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
