you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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