im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
