i think my mom watched the whole time
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I came so hard my ears popped.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
