Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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