Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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