last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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