I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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