would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
