apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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