He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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