4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
