I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
