come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dicks are not precious.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
