Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
