ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
