So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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