I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
