I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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