The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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