i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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