I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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