i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Come see our sink grown plant.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
