You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
