So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
