Got a toothbrush?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
