Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
