do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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