Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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