im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
