And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
