drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
