I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
