Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
