Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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