You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
