So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
