I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
