I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
