my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
