They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
