dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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