My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
