Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
