I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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