How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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