so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
