Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
