yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
