Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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