Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
