she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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