This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize