Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
