can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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