I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
