Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize