eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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