I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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